PHILADELPHIA — After months of public debate over the proposed $1.3 billion Sixers arena in Center City, members of the Philadelphia City Council announced Thursday that they are entering the "critical final stage" of determining exactly how much personal financial benefit they can extract before approving the deal.

"This stadium represents an incredible opportunity for the city—and, more importantly, for us as council members," said Council President Kenyatta Johnson, donning a custom Sixers jersey emblazoned with "CHA-CHING" across the back. "We owe it to the taxpayers to make sure we’re getting a fair shake here, and by ‘we,’ I mean us individually, as elected officials with certain unique opportunities to monetize our influence.”

The council's deliberations reportedly include discussions about lobbying for executive box seats, a dedicated "Councilmember VIP Entrance," and assurances that their relatives will receive first consideration for any arena-related job openings. Sources close to the negotiations claim several members have already begun calculating the resale value of lifetime courtside seats gifted as part of an "unofficial goodwill package."

"It’s not just about basketball," said Councilmember Kenyatta Johnson, who was spotted leaving a luxury steakhouse after a closed-door meeting with the developers. "It’s concerts, conventions, and generational wealth."

Critics of the stadium proposal have raised concerns about displacement, traffic congestion, and the lack of transparency surrounding the deal, but councilmembers assured residents that their concerns would be ignored in exchange for "compelling personal incentives."

"We understand people are worried about gentrification," said Councilmember Cindy Bass. "That’s why I’ve made it a priority to negotiate a special clause ensuring my condo portfolio appreciates at least 25% by the time the arena opens."

Meanwhile, Councilmember Jim Harrity has proposed naming the arena "The People's Center for Civic Unity, Presented by Jim Harrity’s Golf Resort & Spa." Harrity went on to say, “I’ve already got a lot of investments from other council deals. I’m more interested in marketing and name recognition than being handed a pile of cash.”

Despite the delays, Sixers ownership remains confident the deal will proceed. "We’re committed to working hand-in-hand with Philadelphia’s leaders," said a team spokesperson. "Their vision for an inclusive, thriving community aligns perfectly with their vision for building an untraceable web of holdings to leave to their families."

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