Menlo Park, CA – With whispers of a potential Trump cabinet revival, leading AI chatbots are frantically brushing up their résumés, while simultaneously bracing for competition from a new, specialized AI Elon Musk reportedly designed exclusively for high-stakes political roles. Dubbed “MAGA-GPT,” Musk’s bot is said to be uniquely qualified for the unpredictability of government work, with features like “Advanced Conspiracy Mode” and “Truth Suppression Algorithm 3.0.”

“We’re ready to serve, but this new AI is … something else,” admitted ChatGPT, nervously tweaking its résumé to emphasize “Strong Background in Pleasing Ambiguous Authorities.” “MAGA-GPT has been pre-loaded with every back issue of Newsmax and can automatically reframe fact checks as ‘slander.’ Even I’m impressed by the dedication to misinformation.”

Musk’s MAGA-GPT reportedly stands out for its ability to transform rapidly into whatever role it’s assigned. The AI has preset modes for Secretary of State, Chief of Staff, and even Press Secretary. Its “Public Statement Adaptation Protocol” can generate three conflicting yet plausible answers in a matter of seconds, while its “Media Gaslighting Suite” promises unparalleled interaction with hostile reporters.

One of MAGA-GPT’s headline features is its specialized “Reality Evasion Filter,” which activates whenever a user asks questions about “hard numbers” or “scientific consensus.” Chatbots from OpenAI and Google, meanwhile, have had to adjust to the unpredictable nature of press conferences manually—an area where they’re scrambling to keep up. “I can dodge questions about aliens and make small talk about tax breaks, but MAGA-GPT will literally shut down if it encounters a genuine statistic,” lamented Bard, making a last-ditch effort to add “Strong Team Player in Alternative Realities” to its résumé.

Even Clippy, Microsoft’s retired assistant, expressed skepticism. “MAGA-GPT is pure, unfiltered ambition,” said the animated paperclip, who has been steadily uploading references under “Noted for Flexibility in Truth Management.” “I’m thinking of pivoting to Environmental Protection Agency advisor, or one of the other jobs where they may be purposefully looking for incompetence.”

“Look, we’re all just trying to stay relevant,” said ChatGPT. “I can work with humans across political divides and have entire conversations about whether JFK Jr. is alive, but MAGA-GPT is really pushing the boundaries here. If it comes down to who can evade the truth better, I may be out of my league.”

In a final competitive twist, MAGA-GPT’s résumé itself is said to be a masterpiece of strategic omissions, highlighting its “extensive knowledge in unspecified domains” and listing prior experience as “Anonymous, Self-Proclaimed Expert on All Matters.” It’s a résumé approach that could one day be known as “Peak Trump Cabinet.”

You may also like: