TECH RUMORS: Mark Zuckerberg Still Refreshing Erica Albright’s Facebook Page
PALO ALTO, CA — Despite being the multi-billionaire CEO of Meta and a central figure in the development of the modern internet, sources report that Mark Zuckerberg still spends a suspicious amount of time refreshing Erica Albright’s Facebook page.
“She hasn’t posted in a while,” Zuckerberg reportedly muttered to himself late Thursday night, staring intently at his 27-inch monitor while ignoring several urgent emails from Meta’s board of directors. “What’s she up to? Is she seeing someone?”
Witnesses close to Zuckerberg claim the tech mogul has been in this state for over a decade, ever since he famously coded Facebook after being dumped by Albright during his Harvard days. While Zuckerberg has amassed untold wealth, power, and influence, insiders confirm he’s spent countless hours obsessively checking for updates on her profile—despite the fact that she hasn’t used the platform since 2013.
“Every so often, he gets a glimmer of hope when she changes her profile picture,” said one former Meta employee who asked to remain anonymous. “But then he realizes it’s just her cat. That sends him spiraling into a frenzy of refreshing her page, hoping she’ll post something, anything, that hints she might be thinking of him.”
Rumors suggest that Zuckerberg has even programmed a secret Facebook algorithm designed to boost posts from Erica in his feed, though critics argue this feature violates the company’s privacy policy and raises ethical concerns about preferential treatment.
However, Zuckerberg’s obsession hasn’t gone unnoticed. Experts speculate that the entire concept of the metaverse—a virtual reality where people can interact online—was conceived as a desperate bid to create an alternate dimension where he and Albright could reconnect.
When reached for comment, Zuckerberg denied the allegations, claiming his interest in Erica’s Facebook page was purely academic. “I’m simply conducting ongoing user research,” he said in a statement. “But, hypothetically speaking, if Erica wanted to reconnect, she could always DM me. No pressure. Totally up to her.”
As of press time, Zuckerberg was seen hurriedly editing his Instagram bio to read, "Harvard grad. Billionaire. Dog lover. Totally over Erica."