Lovers on Opposite Sides of River
Westville, MA — In a heartwarming yet somewhat impractical display of devotion, local residents Chloe Barnes, 24, and Liam Fisher, 25, have found themselves locked in a passionate, albeit geographically inconvenient, romance from opposite sides of the Westville River. The two met by chance last month when Chloe waved to Liam from the riverbank while walking her dog, sparking a connection that, while strong, has so far been constrained to a series of shouts and exaggerated hand signals.
“I mean, we’re in love and all, but water is water,” Chloe shouted from the West Side, visibly struggling to make her voice carry over the gentle yet unyielding flow of the river. “It’s like we’re Romeo and Juliet—only less tragic because no one is actually trying to get in a boat or anything.”
Friends and family of both parties have been quick to support the relationship, expressing hope that Chloe and Liam may soon overcome their 50-foot watery obstacle. “They’re so cute together,” said Chloe’s roommate, Megan Reese, 23. “It’s really beautiful how they’ll wait on their respective sides, just staring, sometimes waving. Chloe even used binoculars once, but they got fogged up in, like, two minutes.”
Compounding the couple’s dilemma is Westville’s famous lack of bridges. Though the town had one installed in 1932, it was deemed structurally unsound by officials in 1973 and never replaced. Attempts to cross via canoe were considered briefly, but both Chloe and Liam soon agreed that paddling “looked pretty tiring and also wet.” Local kayaker Jake Tolbert suggested they invest in kayaks, though both lovers dismissed the idea as “a lot of work.”
Liam, however, remains optimistic. “Someday we’ll find a way to be on the same river bank,” he shouted last Tuesday afternoon to Chloe across the river. “Until then, I just hope she knows how to read lips.”
With winter fast approaching, the couple faces new hurdles. According to meteorologists, temperatures are expected to drop below freezing within weeks, causing the river to partially ice over. Though Chloe briefly toyed with the idea of waiting until the river froze solid enough to walk across, Liam expressed concerns that he, “can’t imagine someone he loves so much being so close to danger.”
In a display of steadfast support, the townspeople of Westville have reportedly considered pitching in to install a zip line across the river, though no one has yet taken any steps toward actually purchasing materials.
“If we’ve learned anything, it’s that true love is patient,” said Liam, who has yet to work up the courage to ask Chloe’s number.
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