Local News
In a heartfelt 3-minute video filmed in soft natural lighting with a carefully blurred RGB-lit gaming setup in the background, popular tech YouTuber MaxByte returned to his channel Thursday to offer a tearfully sincere apology for what fans are calling “an entire 11 days without content.”
In a heartwarming yet vaguely threatening act of familial affection, local father-in-law Richard McAllister demonstrated his deep love for his son-in-law, Jeremy Halpern, by silently circling his 2017 Honda CR-V with a grease-stained flashlight and a judgmental stare.
In a rare foray into the structured world of visual branding, local comedian Elliot Marsh attempted a professional photo shoot this week.
In a heartwarming tale of urban renewal, the once-forgettable neighborhood of Birchbrook Hollow has transformed into a high-functioning utopia after undergoing a little-known revitalization method: replacing every single resident with young, wealthy families.
In what experts are calling “a digital cry for help,” local man Jake Sanderson, 29, has triggered widespread social confusion after tagging an absurd 63 people
Just as your shirt hits the floor and things begin heating up beneath your duvet, local man Drew Baker, 28, has issued a critical late-stage disclosure: “Just so you know, I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.”
A local woman is reportedly still recovering in bed at her home after placing a devastatingly mangled drive-through order, leaving both the fast-food staff and several innocent bystanders emotionally scarred.
It’s a tale as old as time: You invite him over, you think it’s finally happening, and then he drops the classic “I just really value you as a friend” line while leaving your heart in more pieces than a poorly sliced Amoroso roll. But don’t worry — it’s not you. It’s your cheesesteak strategy.
It is no exaggeration to say that we are currently witnessing an unprecedented era of prosperity and cultural renaissance in Ben’s parent’s backyard.
This reporter has secured an unprecedented first look at my dad’s gun, a weapon so powerful, so complex, and so fundamentally mysterious that it has become the subject of intense speculation among the local neighborhood kids.
In a revelation that has shocked Millbrook, local resident Michael Sanders, 28, has confirmed rumors that he is, in fact, a heterosexual.
In what experts are calling a tragic case of "involuntary idea evaporation," local man Carl Henderson is reeling after losing what he insists was "the most brilliant idea of his life" — an idea so profound it could have possibly united a divided nation.
Local crypto podcaster Derek Lawson has shocked his friend group by making an unprecedented demand: he actually wants real feedback on his podcast, Crypto Kings: The Future of Finance.
A group of five best friends from Appalachian State University have sealed their lifelong bond in the most permanent way possible: matching tattoos of a poorly drawn pizza slice with the word “Forever” underneath it.
After years of diligently sorting plastics, scrubbing peanut butter jars, and arguing over what actually goes in the blue bin, the Henderson family has officially given up on recycling. “It started with hope,” recalled Gary Henderson, father of three and former believer in a sustainable future.
Reports from inside the Johnson household indicate that something “probably bad” may have happened to local dad, Jeff Johnson, 47, although details remain unclear as no one has bothered to check on him yet. Sources close to the scene—primarily his wife and two teenage children—confirmed that they “think” they heard a noise from the garage roughly an hour ago, followed by a faint "Ughh... oh no," but since the WiFi is still working and dinner isn't ready yet, there has been no immediate cause for concern.
Babies That Code (BTC), a visionary initiative spun off from the celebrated Girls That Code movement, hosted its first-ever hackathon this past weekend. The event, held in a padded, baby-proofed co-working space, saw a record turnout of over 100 infants and their highly ambitious parents, all eager to prove that it’s never too early to enter the world of programming.
In yet another assault on freedom and common decency, sources confirm that an unidentified man has approached an unsuspecting citizen—again—with the age-old, unsolicited question: “But have you ever had a real bagel?” This latest incident, which took place at an undisclosed location (but, let’s be honest, probably near a coffee shop), has left many wondering: How much more of this can we take?
Eyewitnesses report that an entitled Democrat was spotted inside a Walmart this week, raising questions, concerns, and even mild panic among regular shoppers. The incident occurred Tuesday evening in an undisclosed location (to protect the terrified witnesses), when an individual, later identified as local Democrat voter Taylor Winslow, was seen perusing the aisles of the beloved all-American retail chain. Eyewitnesses say Winslow looked “out of place” and “suspiciously comfortable” among the selection of good big mayonnaise, camouflage Crocs, and even the bins of decorations still from Fourth of July.
A group of local seniors at the Silver Horizons Retirement Community has discovered a profound connection: their grandchildren all work in something called "computers."
“It’s just so nice to have someone to talk to about this,” said Margaret Hensley, 78, as she adjusted her pickleball visor. “My grandson Kyle is works in computers. Or on computers? Either way, he’s doing something with them.”
In a shocking display of opulence and healthcare coverage, mid-ranking government employee Karen Hensley, a Regional Policy Coordinator at the Bureau of Urban Zoning, was spotted doing the unthinkable: visiting a doctor.
In an unprecedented display of gubernatorial support, Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro was spotted hovering over the Philadelphia Eagles’ practice field in a helicopter this Monday. According to sources close to the situation, the governor is not merely cheering from above but actively collaborating with head coach Nick Sirianni to ensure the Eagles secure their Super Bowl win next Sunday.
After 27 years of tirelessly terrorizing concierges, outsmarting hotel security, and solidifying his status as the only orangutan to successfully perform a five-star room service heist, Dunston has officially checked out for good.
Local man Craig Dobbins made the rookie mistake of sitting in a visibly wet patio chair within 30 seconds of arriving at a neighborhood party last Saturday. Witnesses say the incident occurred just as the host cheerfully shouted, “Come on in! Make yourself at home!”—a suggestion Dobbins took far too literally.
A lone sunflower, growing defiantly through a crack in the sidewalk, met its untimely demise Tuesday afternoon after a tense standoff with local authorities. Officials report that the sunflower’s refusal to respond to questioning, coupled with its “unpredictable movements,” necessitated immediate and decisive action.
Amid mounting concerns from members and dwindling interest from potential recruits, the elders of the Dunbridge Freemason Lodge #314 convened a crisis meeting Tuesday night to address the glaring absence of a "big, game-changing secret" that could restore their mystique.
Employees at GigaTrend Solutions, a middling tech company specializing in “cloud-based synergy,” have been fervently praying that the recent announcement of a corporate takeover will lead to updated headshots for the company’s website, which still features photos taken under harsh fluorescent lighting in 2012.
Local 26-year-old graphic designer Ethan Warden announced Wednesday that he plans to double down on his current Instagram strategy by following an even greater number of accounts where men approach women on the street to ask aggressively personal sex-related questions under the guise of “social experiments.”
In a development that has shaken your social standing, your close-knit group of friends has reportedly started using the group text thread they created without you as the main point of contact.