BREAKING: Something Bad Might Have Happened to Local Dad
Springfield, IL – Reports from inside the Johnson household indicate that something “probably bad” may have happened to local dad, Jeff Johnson, 47, although details remain unclear as no one has bothered to check on him yet. Sources close to the scene—primarily his wife and two teenage children—confirmed that they “think” they heard a noise from the garage roughly an hour ago, followed by a faint "Ughh... oh no," but since the WiFi is still working and dinner isn't ready yet, there has been no immediate cause for concern.
“I mean, I guess I heard something, but it’s not like he screamed or anything,” said 16-year-old daughter, Ashley, not looking up from her phone. “If it was serious, he would’ve yelled for Mom.”
His wife, Carol, echoed a similar sentiment, adding, “Jeff’s always getting into something. Last week, he fell off the step ladder trying to change a lightbulb and just lay there for a while. If he really needed help, he’d text me.”
However, growing concerns emerged around 6:45 PM when the TV in the living room displayed an error message reading: "No signal. Please check your cable connection." Jeff had been in charge of handling all inexplicable technical difficulties in the house, and his prolonged absence was beginning to cause mild distress.
The family made a brief effort to investigate, sending the family dog, Biscuit, towards the garage door. Biscuit reportedly returned seconds later, visibly unbothered, which was taken as a sign that everything was probably fine.
Neighbor Greg Thompson was the first to take more decisive action. “I heard something that sounded like an ‘Oh crap,’ and then silence, so naturally, I went back to mowing my lawn,” he explained. “But when I noticed his car still running in the driveway with the door open, I figured I should at least call Carol to see if she wanted me to check.”
After an additional 20 minutes of discussion, the family collectively agreed to send 13-year-old son, Ryan, to investigate. Upon opening the garage door, he reportedly found Jeff on the floor, tangled in Christmas lights that he had been "just trying to organize for once."
"Dad said he's fine, but he asked me to help him up real quick," Ryan reported.
Carol then shouted from the kitchen, "Tell him to grab the frozen lasagna while he's up!"
As of press time, Jeff remains in the garage.
More updates to follow.
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