In a heartwarming yet vaguely threatening act of familial affection, local father-in-law Richard McAllister demonstrated his deep love for his son-in-law, Jeremy Halpern, by silently circling his 2017 Honda CR-V with a grease-stained flashlight and a judgmental stare.

In a rare foray into the structured world of visual branding, local comedian Elliot Marsh attempted a professional photo shoot this week.

In a heartwarming tale of urban renewal, the once-forgettable neighborhood of Birchbrook Hollow has transformed into a high-functioning utopia after undergoing a little-known revitalization method: replacing every single resident with young, wealthy families.

It is no exaggeration to say that we are currently witnessing an unprecedented era of prosperity and cultural renaissance in Ben’s parent’s backyard.

Reports from inside the Johnson household indicate that something “probably bad” may have happened to local dad, Jeff Johnson, 47, although details remain unclear as no one has bothered to check on him yet. Sources close to the scene—primarily his wife and two teenage children—confirmed that they “think” they heard a noise from the garage roughly an hour ago, followed by a faint "Ughh... oh no," but since the WiFi is still working and dinner isn't ready yet, there has been no immediate cause for concern.