Employees Praying Corporate Takeover Means New Headshots
Employees at GigaTrend Solutions, a middling tech company specializing in “cloud-based synergy,” have been fervently praying that the recent announcement of a corporate takeover will lead to updated headshots for the company’s website, which still features photos taken under harsh fluorescent lighting in 2012.
Model Railroad Finally Completed As Divorce Proceedings Begin
In what experts are calling a “bittersweet milestone for tiny towns everywhere,” Greg Henshaw of Akron, Ohio, has finally completed his lifelong passion project: a sprawling, 200-square-foot model railroad depicting the bustling industrial boom of 1940s America.
Superhero Born In Freak Raw Milk Accident
A local man has emerged as the world’s first superhero after a freak raw milk accident left him with extraordinary, and wholly unexplainable, powers. Jim Meadows, 34, was just your average suburban, casual fan of alternative health trends, enjoying a raw milk smoothie in his kitchen when disaster struck.
World Falls To Despair As Toytotathon Ends
In a development that experts are calling "the end of joy as we know it," humanity has descended into a collective state of existential despair following the conclusion of the annual Toytotathon event.
Our Smart Home Experts Reveal Top 5 Devices To Piss Off Your Wife
Smart home devices are designed to simplify life and make everything a bit more convenient. But our tech team at NewsTime News knows that a lot of the time smart devices are a great way to gain control over systems in the house, and lock out any users that aren’t tech savvy or even just anyone that didn’t directly set up the device themselves.
Apple Announces Groundbreaking New Rounded Edge Pro & Rounded Edge Ultra
In a keynote address that left tech enthusiasts and casual consumers alike breathless, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the company’s most ambitious product update yet: a slightly rounder edge. The announcement immediately sent shockwaves through the tech world, with fans hailing it as "the most revolutionary corner ever."
Philly To Leave 72 Vacated Rite-Aids Empty In Case Eagles Have Anything To Do With Super Bowl
Following the recent closure of 72 Rite-Aid locations across the city, Philadelphia officials announced plans to leave the buildings completely empty in case the Eagles find themselves anywhere near the Super Bowl again this year.
Mr. Beast To Host Jimmy Carter's Funeral Live On Netflix
In an unprecedented move, philanthropist and YouTube mogul Mr. Beast announced today that he will be hosting the funeral of former U.S. President Jimmy Carter live on Netflix.
Here’s How the Government Shutdown Will Affect Tiffany Amber Thiessen
The looming government shutdown has left millions of Americans scrambling to understand how it might impact their daily lives. But for 90s television icon Tiffany Amber Thiessen, the fallout will be unique, just like her career.
2025 DESIGN TREND: Make Your Powder Room Fucking Nutso
In an age where minimalist aesthetics and calming neutrals have dominated the interior design world, a new trend is emerging to blow the doors off your beige sanctuary: making your powder room fucking nuts.