BREAKING: Jesus Backs President Trump’s Bold Leadership, Says “A Little Porn is OK”
News, America, Politics, Church, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Church, Featured Ron Dobson

BREAKING: Jesus Backs President Trump’s Bold Leadership, Says “A Little Porn is OK”

America, rejoice! Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has once again confirmed His close, unshakable bond with the greatest president in history, President Donald J. Trump. In an exclusive divine conversation between the two, Jesus reportedly assured President Trump that, contrary to what the radical left and liberal fake-news media say, "a little porn is OK."

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TRUMP TAKES A STAND: BRINGING BACK GOOD OLD-FASHIONED WORKPLACE CHARM!
News, America, Politics, Business, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Business, Featured Ron Dobson

TRUMP TAKES A STAND: BRINGING BACK GOOD OLD-FASHIONED WORKPLACE CHARM!

America, the great and noble land of opportunity, is finally being saved from the suffocating grip of the radical left’s cancel culture. President Donald J. Trump—our fearless leader, the champion of freedom, the greatest businessman of all time—is stepping up once again to undo the damage done by years of feminist tyranny in the workplace.

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Musk To Let Trump Use The Car On Friday Night
News, America, Politics, Parenting, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Parenting, Featured Ron Dobson

Musk To Let Trump Use The Car On Friday Night

Sources close to the duo report that Elon Musk has graciously decided to let Donald Trump take the car out on Friday night—but only if he promises to be home by 11 PM and charges the Tesla before he gets home. "It's important to teach responsibility," Musk explained at a recent press conference, where he spoke about the challenges of parenting an excitable president. "Donald really wanted to go out with his friends, but I had to remind him that borrowing the car comes with conditions. We can't have him joyriding around Mar-a-Lago with Steve Bannon in the passenger seat, blaring Kid Rock again."

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TRUMP FOR POPE? THE CHURCH NEEDS A BUSINESSMAN
News, Politics, Church, Featured Ron Dobson News, Politics, Church, Featured Ron Dobson

TRUMP FOR POPE? THE CHURCH NEEDS A BUSINESSMAN

The Vatican is in crisis, folks. Pope Francis, 88, is struggling with health issues, reportedly battling pneumonia and early-stage kidney failure. And while we all wish him well (thoughts and prayers!), the Catholic Church needs to start thinking about what comes next.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Who could possibly fill the shoes of the Supreme Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the Holy Father himself?” Well, I’ll tell you who, folks. It’s a man of action. A man of strength. A man who knows how to win.

Yes, I’m talking about Donald J. Trump.

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Entitled Democrat Goes Into A Walmart
News, Opinion, Local, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson News, Opinion, Local, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson

Entitled Democrat Goes Into A Walmart

Eyewitnesses report that an entitled Democrat was spotted inside a Walmart this week, raising questions, concerns, and even mild panic among regular shoppers. The incident occurred Tuesday evening in an undisclosed location (to protect the terrified witnesses), when an individual, later identified as local Democrat voter Taylor Winslow, was seen perusing the aisles of the beloved all-American retail chain. Eyewitnesses say Winslow looked “out of place” and “suspiciously comfortable” among the selection of good big mayonnaise, camouflage Crocs, and even the bins of decorations still from Fourth of July.

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RFK Jr. Admits He's Been Eating All The Eggs
News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson

RFK Jr. Admits He's Been Eating All The Eggs

Newly appointed Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. confessed yesterday to consuming the country's entire egg supply. "I couldn't help myself," Kennedy admitted in a press conference, yolk still visible on his tie. "Every time I saw an egg, I just had to eat it. Omelets, scrambles, even raw – you name it, I ate it." This startling admission comes as Americans face soaring egg prices, with some states reporting costs up to $10 per dozen. Retailers like Trader Joe's have implemented purchase limits to manage the dwindling supply.

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U.S. Senate Celebrates Very Special Birthday, Boy
News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson

U.S. Senate Celebrates Very Special Birthday, Boy

The U.S. Senate came together Tuesday for a truly historic event, throwing a grand birthday bash for Senator Mitch McConnell, who, according to official records, turned an astonishing 200 years old. The celebration, held in the Capitol Rotunda, featured all the hallmarks of a distinguished congressional gathering: excessive decorum, an unreasonably large cake, and several speeches that took so long.

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Trump To Eliminate DEI From Drinking Fountains
News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson

Trump To Eliminate DEI From Drinking Fountains

In his ongoing war against the tyranny of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI), President Donald J. Trump has announced his latest act of heroism: the full elimination of DEI from America’s drinking fountains. At a packed rally in Alabama, surrounded by devoted patriots, Trump declared, “No more woke water! We’re bringing back good old-fashioned American hydration!”

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Trump Enacts Prima Nocta
News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson News, America, Politics, Featured Ron Dobson

Trump Enacts Prima Nocta

President Donald Trump has signed an executive order reinstating the archaic and widely debunked medieval practice known as "Prima Nocta." The President announced this decision during an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, stating, "We're bringing back the best traditions, the greatest traditions. People are saying they want this. Tremendous support."

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