RFK Jr. Admits He's Been Eating All The Eggs
Washington, D.C. – Newly appointed Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. confessed yesterday to consuming the country's entire egg supply. "I couldn't help myself," Kennedy admitted in a press conference, yolk still visible on his tie. "Every time I saw an egg, I just had to eat it. Omelets, scrambles, even raw – you name it, I ate it." This startling admission comes as Americans face soaring egg prices, with some states reporting costs up to $10 per dozen. Retailers like Trader Joe's have implemented purchase limits to manage the dwindling supply.
Kennedy's egg escapades began shortly after his confirmation as HHS Secretary, a position he secured despite widespread concerns over his controversial views. Insiders reveal that White House kitchens were the first to notice the disappearing eggs, initially blaming a rogue omelet chef before the true culprit came to light.
"We thought it was a supply chain issue," said one anonymous staffer. "Turns out, it was just Bob's breakfast." The avian flu outbreak, which has led to the culling of millions of hens, was previously believed to be the sole cause of the shortage. However, Kennedy's voracious appetite has now been identified as a significant contributing factor.
In response to the crisis, President Trump has signed an executive order mandating "Eggless Mondays" and encouraging Americans to explore alternative protein sources. Meanwhile, Kennedy has pledged to curb his egg consumption, stating, "I can stop any time I want."
As the nation grapples with this egg-centric scandal, experts warn that it may take months for the poultry industry to recover. In the meantime, consumers are advised to ration their eggs and perhaps keep a close eye on their refrigerators.
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