New Declassified CIA Papers Reveal Astronauts Were Barely Even On The Moon For One Day
A newly released batch of CIA documents has revealed that, despite the global impact of the Apollo 11 mission, the actual time American astronauts spent on the lunar surface was surprisingly brief — a detail U.S. officials at the time quietly downplayed.
NEW MUSIC: Wall Street Workers Innovate New Kind of Jazz Amid Financial Chaos
In an accidental triumph of avant-garde art, Wall Street traders have inadvertently birthed a groundbreaking new genre of music amid financial bedlam: "Fiscalcore Jazz."
Trump Sets Record For Worlds Highest Jump
In an unprecedented display of vitality, President Donald Trump has reportedly set a new world record for the highest vertical jump during his annual physical examination at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.
WIN FOR AMERICA: Netflix Show ‘Adolescence’ is British, Not Applicable to Them
TV viewers have been spoiled this Spring by an avalanche of great TV shows airing new seasons or making their debuts such as Severance, White Lotus, The Pitt, and The Studio, but Netflix’s limited series ‘Adolescence’ is making one of the biggest splashes due to its intense, realistic portrayal of a family’s reckoning with their 13 year old son’s murder of a classmate.
FINALLY: Trump Cabinet Swears Fealty In Blood
In a ceremony that can only be described as the pinnacle of patriotism, President Donald J. Trump’s Cabinet gathered at Mar-a-Lago last night to pledge their unwavering loyalty—sealed in blood.
5 Koalas Whose Portfolios Absolutely Tanked After Tariffs
five high-profile koalas have seen their investment portfolios plummet following the United States' recent imposition of sweeping tariffs under President Donald Trump's "Liberation Day" initiative.
Walton Goggins Announces He Will Show His Asshole Live on Netflix
Riding high on his current hot streak with starring roles in Fallout, The White Lotus Season 3, and his cult-favorite turn as Baby Billy in The Righteous Gemstones, Walton Goggins has decided it’s time to truly bare all—literally.
Ancient Tectonic Beast Awakens After Myanmar Earthquake, Immediately Declares Congressional Run
A massive 8.7-magnitude earthquake in Myanmar has not only rocked the nation but also awakened "Grumbla'Rok the Seismic Sovereign", an ancient tectonic beast long slumbering beneath the Earth’s crust.
Sleight on Trump's Penis Has Set Off the Plot of Austin Powers: Goldmember
A small sleight on President Donald Trump’s penis size has inadvertently triggered a chain of events that is the exact plot of Austin Powers: Goldmember.
Marijuana Cool-Factor WAY Down
Once the undisputed symbol of youthful rebellion, creative enlightenment, and low-stakes criminal mischief, marijuana is experiencing a severe image crisis in the wake of widespread legalization. A new study from the Pew Research Center shows that marijuana’s “cool factor” has dropped to historic lows, ranking just above drinking kombucha and slightly below having a skateboard.
JD Vance DID NOT Piss His Pants This Week
In a stunning victory for America’s values, Vice President JD Vance has accomplished something that the radical left and their allies in the fake news media said was impossible: he has gone an entire week without soiling himself. Yes, you read that correctly.
FanDuel Holds 'Responsible Betting Seminar' Where Every Attendee Gets $250 In Free Credits
FanDuel has announced the launch of a new educational initiative titled "Bet Smarter, Not Harder." The free seminar promises to teach attendees the dangers of gambling addiction and the importance of setting limits — while simultaneously handing out $250 in free betting credits to everyone who shows up.
TRUMP OFFERS BRILLIANT SOLUTION TO UKRAINE’S FINANCIAL CRISIS - FILE BANKRUPTCY
In yet another example of his business genius, President Donald J. Trump has suggested that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky should "just declare bankruptcy" to fix Ukraine’s struggling economy.
White House Fence to Be Upgraded to Parapet Wall and Moat
Folks, it’s finally happening. After years of weak, porous security that left the White House vulnerable to rogue tourists and suspiciously well-organized joggers, President Trump is stepping up and doing what no other leader has had the courage to do: building a parapet wall and moat around the White House.
BREAKING: Jesus Backs President Trump’s Bold Leadership, Says “A Little Porn is OK”
America, rejoice! Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has once again confirmed His close, unshakable bond with the greatest president in history, President Donald J. Trump. In an exclusive divine conversation between the two, Jesus reportedly assured President Trump that, contrary to what the radical left and liberal fake-news media say, "a little porn is OK."
Pole Finds ‘Sleepy Girl Mocktail’ More Popular With Americans Than ‘Racial Equality’
A shocking new poll from Gallup has confirmed what every hardworking, common-sense American already knew: The so-called "woke agenda" is being drowned out by cherry juice and magnesium powder.
TRUMP TAKES A STAND: BRINGING BACK GOOD OLD-FASHIONED WORKPLACE CHARM!
America, the great and noble land of opportunity, is finally being saved from the suffocating grip of the radical left’s cancel culture. President Donald J. Trump—our fearless leader, the champion of freedom, the greatest businessman of all time—is stepping up once again to undo the damage done by years of feminist tyranny in the workplace.
Children's Book Clearly A 'Gender Theory Manifesto,' Say Concerned Parents
A new so-called “children’s book” has come under fire from vigilant parents who bravely skimmed the cover and immediately detected the looming specter of gender ideology threatening to radicalize their unsuspecting toddlers.
REPORT: New Jersey Still Shithole
Despite years of federal funding, urban renewal projects, and the desperate prayers of its citizens, a new report confirms what Americans have long suspected: New Jersey is still a complete shithole. The study, conducted by the Institute for Urban Realities, found that New Jersey has maintained its title as the nation’s sand dumpster, citing a potent combination of oppressive taxation, rampant crime, and an overall aesthetic best described as “New York’s unflushed toilet.”
SMUG AIRLINE ELITE LOOKS DOWN ON HARDWORKING AMERICANS FROM COMFORT PLUS
Folks, we have yet another example of America’s elites rubbing their privilege in the faces of real, hardworking travelers. Meet Jeff Lancaster: a so-called “Comfort Plus” passenger who loves watching everyday Americans trudge past him to the cramped back rows, all while enjoying his extra two inches of legroom like some kind of airport aristocrat.