BREAKING: Jesus Backs President Trump’s Bold Leadership, Says “A Little Porn is OK”
ETERNITY — America, rejoice! Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has once again confirmed His close, unshakable bond with the greatest president in history, President Donald J. Trump. In an exclusive divine conversation between the two, Jesus reportedly assured President Trump that, contrary to what the radical left and liberal fake-news media say, "a little porn is OK."
That's right, folks! While the Democrats are busy trying to cancel everything sacred—gas stoves, hamburgers, and now even heterosexuality—Jesus took time from His many celestial duties to reassure President Trump that watching a little tasteful adult entertainment now and then is not only acceptable but downright presidential.
Sources close to Heaven confirm that Jesus and Trump communicate regularly, discussing everything from foreign policy to golf tips. “Donald, my son, as long as you keep America strong and put me first in your policies, I’m not gonna nitpick about a little late-night viewing,” Jesus reportedly told the President, likely while they shared a Diet Coke.
This latest endorsement from The Almighty comes as no surprise to those of us who actually read the Bible and understand that God is 100% pro-Trump. You think Jesus would rather chat with Joe Biden? Please. The man can barely finish a sentence.
Faith leaders across the country are celebrating this revelation, with Pastor Hank “The Tank” Johnson from Texas saying, “This proves once and for all that Trump isn’t just a president—he’s the chosen one. If Jesus Himself says it’s okay to unwind with a little visual inspiration, who are we to argue?”
Meanwhile, CNN and MSNBC are predictably clutching their pearls, saying that there is no evidence that Trump has spoken to God or Jesus, and publishing some meaningless evidence about priests on the White House payroll. But let’s be honest: they wouldn’t recognize divine wisdom if it came down in a golden escalator.
As for President Trump, he remains as humble as ever. When asked about the revelation, he simply smiled and said, “Jesus and I, we talk all the time. He’s a great guy, a tremendous guy. Frankly, one of the best.”
God bless America and a little bit of porn.
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