EXCLUSIVE: First Look at My Dad’s Gun
This reporter has secured an unprecedented first look at my dad’s gun, a weapon so powerful, so complex, and so fundamentally mysterious that it has become the subject of intense speculation among the local neighborhood kids.
Local Man Gets Better Sleep After Starting Nightly Grapple with Shame 30 Minutes Earlier
In a revelation that has shocked Millbrook, local resident Michael Sanders, 28, has confirmed rumors that he is, in fact, a heterosexual.
JD Vance DID NOT Piss His Pants This Week
In a stunning victory for America’s values, Vice President JD Vance has accomplished something that the radical left and their allies in the fake news media said was impossible: he has gone an entire week without soiling himself. Yes, you read that correctly.
American Division Gave This Local Man A Once-In-A-Lifetime Idea — Now He Can’t Remember It
In what experts are calling a tragic case of "involuntary idea evaporation," local man Carl Henderson is reeling after losing what he insists was "the most brilliant idea of his life" — an idea so profound it could have possibly united a divided nation.
TRUMP OFFERS BRILLIANT SOLUTION TO UKRAINE’S FINANCIAL CRISIS - FILE BANKRUPTCY
In yet another example of his business genius, President Donald J. Trump has suggested that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky should "just declare bankruptcy" to fix Ukraine’s struggling economy.
White House Fence to Be Upgraded to Parapet Wall and Moat
Folks, it’s finally happening. After years of weak, porous security that left the White House vulnerable to rogue tourists and suspiciously well-organized joggers, President Trump is stepping up and doing what no other leader has had the courage to do: building a parapet wall and moat around the White House.
BREAKING: Jesus Backs President Trump’s Bold Leadership, Says “A Little Porn is OK”
America, rejoice! Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has once again confirmed His close, unshakable bond with the greatest president in history, President Donald J. Trump. In an exclusive divine conversation between the two, Jesus reportedly assured President Trump that, contrary to what the radical left and liberal fake-news media say, "a little porn is OK."
Pole Finds ‘Sleepy Girl Mocktail’ More Popular With Americans Than ‘Racial Equality’
A shocking new poll from Gallup has confirmed what every hardworking, common-sense American already knew: The so-called "woke agenda" is being drowned out by cherry juice and magnesium powder.
2025 Projected to Be Worst Year on Record for Airplane Seat-to-Booty Size Ratios
A report from the International Airline Comfort Association (IACA) has revealed that 2025 is on track to see an unprecedented mismatch between airplane seat dimensions and average booty size, sparking fears of widespread discomfort and cabin chaos.