JD Vance DID NOT Piss His Pants This Week
Washington, D.C. — In a stunning victory for America’s values, Vice President JD Vance has accomplished something that the radical left and their allies in the fake news media said was impossible: he has gone an entire week without soiling himself. Yes, you read that correctly. JD Vance, a true American patriot, managed to sit through an entire symphony at the Kennedy Center without a single drop of urine hitting his pants — and yet the mainstream media refuses to give him credit.
“Why aren’t they talking about this incredible achievement?” asked Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy. “If Kamala Harris went a week without pissing herself, CNN would give her a primetime special!”
The liberal mob has spent weeks attacking Vance over the length of his pants, claiming his ankle-baring style is “unprofessional” and “bizarre.” But the truth is clear: JD Vance is a trailblazer. He’s redefining what it means to be a modern conservative leader — and he’s keeping his stylish pants completely free from piss or even shit stains while wearing them, which is way more than I can say for myself.
“JD isn’t just showing ankle,” said Sean Hannity during his Thursday night broadcast. “He’s showing strength. He’s showing confidence. And most importantly, he’s showing that he’s in complete control of his bodily functions.”
But let’s not kid ourselves — this isn’t really about pants. This is about fear. The left is terrified of JD Vance because they know he represents the future of America: strong, self-assured, and impeccably dry. That’s why they keep pushing this absurd “pee scandal.” They want to undermine his credibility. They want to humiliate him. But JD Vance just went a whole week without Huggies or pull ups and didn’t do any accidents.
“He’s just like Trump,” said one rally attendee in Ohio. “A man’s man. They can’t handle that JD Vance is a guy who can keep his pants dry while defending the Constitution.”
And let’s be honest — if it were Joe Biden who managed to keep it together for a whole week, MSNBC would be handing out medals. But JD Vance? He gets mocked for ruining one pair of pants a while ago and then no one even said anything nice when he shaped up and stopped with his pants wetting problem. It’s classic liberal hypocrisy.
The truth is simple: JD Vance has mastered his bladder. He has complete command over his bodily functions and his political destiny. That’s the kind of leadership America needs.
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