Children's Book Clearly A 'Gender Theory Manifesto,' Say Concerned Parents
AMERICA — A new so-called “children’s book” has come under fire from vigilant parents who bravely skimmed the cover and immediately detected the looming specter of gender ideology threatening to radicalize their unsuspecting toddlers. The book in question, Bobby and Bella Become Buddies, initially seemed like an innocuous story about two kids learning to appreciate different interests. However, concerned mothers and fathers in several school districts have uncovered the book’s insidious “hidden agenda” after painstakingly reading at least the first three pages and extrapolating wildly from there.
“This is exactly what the radical left wants—to indoctrinate our children with their woke propaganda, one picture book at a time,” said local parent Karen McDougal, who courageously organized a town hall meeting after overhearing a first grader refer to a toy truck as ‘pretty.’ “It starts with butterflies and ends with boys in ballgowns, and I for one will not stand for it.”
The book’s author, Madison Tate, denies any ulterior motives, stating that her work is simply meant to encourage kids to express themselves freely and become friends. However, independent conservative watchdogs have raised alarms over the dangerous precedent of allowing children to play with colors outside their prescribed gender roles.
“We analyzed this book using our proprietary Patriotic Analysis Algorithm,” explained a spokesperson from the think tank Freedom For Families. “The results were chilling. The words ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ appear nearly the same number of times, a clear sign of radical equity-based indoctrination. There’s even a scene where a boy picks up a stuffed animal—an obvious attempt to destabilize traditional masculinity.”
Outraged community members have demanded immediate action, including book bans, school board hearings, and possibly a congressional investigation to root out what they call “The Big Gender Agenda.”
Meanwhile, children subjected to the book remain blissfully unaware of its alleged ideological weight. When asked about it, seven-year-old Emma Peterson stated, “I liked the part with the butterfly.”
As the battle rages on, one thing is certain: no innocent book about childhood curiosity will go unexamined, unscathed, or unbanned in the fight for America’s future.
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