Trump Enacts Prima Nocta
Washington, D.C. – President Donald Trump has signed an executive order reinstating the archaic and widely debunked medieval practice known as "Prima Nocta." The President announced this decision during an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, stating, "We're bringing back the best traditions, the greatest traditions. People are saying they want this. Tremendous support."
For those whose medieval history might be a bit rusty, "Prima Nocta," or "Droit du Seigneur," is a supposed right that allowed feudal lords to have sexual relations with subordinate women, in particular, on their wedding nights.
Legal experts are already questioning the constitutionality of the executive order. "It's not every day you see a policy that violates both the Eighth Amendment and common decency," remarked constitutional scholar Ima Lawknerd.
When pressed about the dubious historical basis for "Prima Nocta," President Trump responded, "Many people don't know this, but a lot of people are saying it's real. Very real. The best historians, top people."
Women around the nation have been seen celebrating, and even reportedly looking for contract marriages so they can have their steamy night with America’s hottest stud.
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