War Grinds On As Peace Talks Continue to Falter Between Baldoni and Lively
Hollywood, CA – Despite numerous attempts at diplomacy, the bitter feud between actors Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni shows no sign of abating, with tensions escalating to Cold War-levels of passive-aggressive social media posts and cryptic late-night talk show jabs.
The dispute, which began months ago over what insiders describe as “a disagreement so inconsequential that even Ryan Reynolds refuses to tweet about it,” has now evolved into a full-fledged entertainment industry conflict, drawing in celebrity allies, Instagram stories, and even a suspiciously timed charity gala where both parties pretended the other didn’t exist.
Despite efforts to broker peace—including interventions from Oprah, the ghost of Barbara Walters, and a rogue diplomatic faction led by Kristen Bell—the two remain locked in a stalemate.
Sources close to the situation say negotiations have been repeatedly derailed by Lively’s insistence that Baldoni “simply admit he was wrong,” while Baldoni maintains that “this is all a huge misunderstanding that could be resolved if Blake would just watch Five Feet Apart all the way through.”
The most recent round of peace talks, held in the neutral territory of a Goop-sponsored sound bath retreat, quickly collapsed when Lively allegedly made an offhand remark about Jane the Virgin being “just okay.” Witnesses report Baldoni audibly gasping before storming out in what experts are calling “a stunning display of wounded dignity.”
With neither side willing to budge and public interest in the feud growing exponentially, experts predict the saga could soon reach its final, most terrifying form: a tell-all podcast interview.
While Lively’s camp insists she has no plans to “go full Meghan Markle” with an exposé, rumors persist that she’s been quietly following every podcast hosted by Dax Shepard, preparing for the nuclear option. Meanwhile, Baldoni has reportedly been seen scribbling furiously in what looks suspiciously like the first draft of a New York Times op-ed titled Why We Should All Just Be Kinder.
Until then, the war rages on, leaving Hollywood divided, and one exhausted Ryan Reynolds sighing into his Aviation Gin.
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