Trump To Eliminate DEI From Drinking Fountains
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his ongoing war against the tyranny of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI), President Donald J. Trump has announced his latest act of heroism: the full elimination of DEI from America’s drinking fountains. At a packed rally in Alabama, surrounded by devoted patriots, Trump declared, “No more woke water! We’re bringing back good old-fashioned American hydration!”
The announcement was met with thunderous applause from the crowd, many of whom had long suffered under the oppressive yoke of inclusive signage, multilingual labels, and the sinister specter of wheelchair accessibility. For too long, everyday Americans have been forced to share their hydration stations with an onslaught of government-mandated diversity. But finally, the nightmare is over.
According to sources close to Trump’s 2025 campaign, the initiative will include an executive order banning any references to DEI on water fountains nationwide. Gone will be the placards welcoming all, and in their place, the sleek simplicity of a freedom-loving, regulation-free spout. “We’re restoring water fountains to their original, glorious purpose—delivering pure, unfiltered H2O to those who feel safe using it,” said one Trump administration cabinet member.
Trump’s crusade against DEI has already made historic strides, including the eradication of woke educational programs, dismantling of affirmative action policies, and ensuring that not a single government contract considers the horrors of ‘equity.’ This latest move is just another notch in the belt of America’s restoration to its golden, water-fountain-segregated age of 1953 (but, you know, “without the bad parts, this is not racism” as his advisors were quick to clarify).
Not everyone is celebrating, of course. The radical left-wing water enthusiasts argue that these changes could make hydration “less accessible” to “certain groups.” But real Americans know this is just another tactic to undermine freedom and enforce socialist water distribution. “If they’re thirsty, they can find their own water,” said one proud, real, anonymous American. “Or better yet, buy Trump Water. Best water. Incredible water.”
With this bold new step, Trump is proving once again that no woke agenda is safe under his watch. And as for the fountains? They’ll finally be returned to their rightful owners: everyday, hard-working Americans who just want a sip of patriotism, free from the crushing burden of diversity.
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