Doctors Say Biden's Condition “Adorable” Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors who once described Joe Biden’s mental acuity as a matter of “grave national concern” during his presidency now agree that his condition has transitioned into what can only be called “endearingly adorable.” “Now that he’s no longer responsible for the nuclear codes or the global economy, we’ve decided his occasional confusion is more heartwarming than alarming,” said Dr. Francine Teller, a leading neurologist. “Honestly, watching him squint at a thermostat and call it ‘the climate thingy’ makes my day.”
The shift in perception has swept across America, with former critics now flocking to watch videos of Biden attempting everyday tasks. “We used to panic when he lost track of his sentences mid-speech,” admitted former political commentator Carl Monroe. “Now, it’s the highlight of my week. Have you seen him try to figure out Alexa? He called it a ‘nice Amazon lady.’ I’m crying just thinking about it.”
Experts believe the change stems from the fact that, as a private citizen, Biden’s behavior no longer has geopolitical implications. “Back when he called Boris Johnson ‘the Beatles guy’ at the G7, we all broke into a cold sweat,” said political analyst Rachel Kim. “But now? If he mistakes his car key fob for a remote control? That’s just kinda sweet.”
One viral video shows Biden attempting to ride a horse, only to give the saddle a pep talk before mounting. “You’re a good little bench,” he was heard saying to the saddle. The clip has garnered 8 million views on TikTok, with commenters dubbing him “America’s Grandpa.”
Medical professionals are leaning into Biden’s newfound role as a lovable elder statesman. “We recommend activities that showcase his unique charm,” said Dr. Teller. “Things like getting the mail, trying to fold a fitted sheet, or guessing the names of random animals on a farm.”
Dr. Teller added that a trip to the grocery store to point our the prices to him is already in the works.
Americans are embracing Biden’s post-presidency with open arms. “For years, his cognitive lapses were the stuff of partisan bickering,” said one former critic. “Now, we’re all united in rooting for him to find his glasses—turns out, they were on his head!”
As Biden himself put it, in a characteristically meandering statement: “Look, folks, it’s like, when you, uh, see a squirrel in a suit. That’s... something special. Anyway, let’s—where was I? Oh yeah, ice cream.”
Adorable. Truly adorable.
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