How To Talk To A Friend Who Just Came Back From The Bathroom With Red Eyes After An Emotional Super Bowl Commercial
In a world where nachos flow freely, and the halftime show gets debated for weeks, nothing stirs the soul—or the tear ducts—quite like an emotionally manipulative Super Bowl commercial. If you’ve ever found yourself at a Super Bowl party, nacho in hand, facing a friend who just returned from the bathroom with red, watery eyes, here’s a step-by-step guide to navigate this emotionally charged moment.
Initiate Contact
Ease in gently. Say something nonchalant like, “Hey, everything okay?” Avoid diving straight into, “Were you crying about the Budweiser puppy again?” unless you’re ready to be branded an emotional monster. A soft approach shows empathy without accusing them of being manipulated by a billion-dollar advertising budget.
Provide Validation
If they admit to crying, assure them they’re not alone. “I totally get it—those ads really hit hard.” Share your own story of being brought to tears by a commercial, even if you have to make one up. Something like, “I cried at that one where the dad teaches his daughter how to drive and then she joins NASA” works well, even if you can’t remember which car brand it was for.
Redirect the Focus
Once the emotional storm has passed, steer the conversation to safer waters. Say something like, “Man, these advertisers really know how to get us, don’t they?” This shifts the narrative from their tears to the corporate puppeteers pulling our heartstrings. Bonus points if you can segue into a joke about how the puppy ad made you want to adopt a dog and buy a tractor.
Offer Nachos
Nachos are the universal balm for social awkwardness. Hand them a plate and say, “Here, have some nachos. They’re warm.” Warm cheese and carbs have a magical way of restoring balance to any emotionally fraught situation.
Never Speak of This Again
Whatever you do, do not bring up their tearful bathroom break the next day. The Super Bowl is a sacred space where grown adults can cry over horses and their dog best friends without fear of judgment. What happens during the game stays in the game.
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