Super Bowl National Anthem to Be Sung By “Wickedly Talented” Adele Dazeem
The NFL announced today that this year’s Super Bowl National Anthem will be performed by none other than the enigmatic and legendary, wickedly talented, Adele Dazeem, famously introduced to the world by John Travolta during the 2014 Academy Awards.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell praised the decision as a move to "honor the spirit of unexpected greatness." "This is the Super Bowl," Goodell said. "We need a performance that will live on in the hearts and memes of our fans forever, and Adele Dazeem is the cultural icon we didn’t know we needed."
Fans of Dazeem, who has since become an elusive figure in the entertainment industry, were thrilled to hear she would step out of obscurity for this monumental event. “I’ve been waiting years for this,” said one fan, clutching an inexplicable homemade Adele Dazeem poster. “The real question is: Will she jazz-hand the high notes?”
When reached for comment, John Travolta expressed his joy. “Adele Dazeem has always had a special place in my heart. This is her moment to shine.” Travolta is also reported to be announcing her before she takes to the field to sing the anthem.
Rumors are swirling that Dazeem’s rendition will be accompanied by a choir of holographic Idina Menzels. Super Bowl organizers have also hinted that the performance will include a subtle nod to “Frozen,” with an ice castle erected on the 50-yard line.
As for the NFL, they’ve assured everyone that this year’s National Anthem will be one to remember. "Whether it’s because of the vocals or just the sheer WTF-factor, we guarantee goosebumps," Goodell said.
Will Adele Dazeem’s Super Bowl performance let it go—or will it go down as the most gloriously baffling anthem in sports history? Tune in Sunday to find out!
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