Constitution Wakes Up To Justices Standing Over It
WASHINGTON—In the early hours of Wednesday morning, the United States Constitution awoke in its usual place in the National Archives, only to find itself surrounded by the entire Supreme Court, each Justice clutching an ominously red-stained pen. The parchment document, blinking in disbelief, could barely make out the vague but bone-chilling mutterings from the Justices, who stared down at it with glints of resolve and barely restrained ambitions dancing in their eyes.
“Good morning, old friend,” Justice Samuel Alito reportedly said, lightly tapping his pen on the Preamble as if to remind the document just how fragile its words might soon become. “We’ve been thinking about making… a few adjustments. Nothing major, you understand. Just a little modernization.”
The other Justices stood silently, each holding a pen poised just above the Constitution, close enough for the document to feel the threat but far enough to leave every word intact—at least for now. Justice Amy Coney Barrett’s eyes shone with a quiet intensity, her gaze almost reverent as she studied the Founders’ words, the faint shadow of an erasure dancing across her face.
“Let’s just say some parts of you have aged better than others,” she murmured, flashing a tight smile. “And as it stands, there’s a little too much freedom cluttering up these pages. Don’t worry, though—we’re not slashing anything yet.”
Justice Clarence Thomas tilted his head thoughtfully, his fingers absently spinning the pen in his hand as he gazed at the Bill of Rights. “Times change, you know?” he said, voice low and almost soothing. “Sometimes rights just… phase out, like fashion trends. Today it’s crop tops; tomorrow, who knows? But don’t worry—when we decide to make our edits, you’ll be the first to know.”
A chill reportedly ran through the Constitution’s text as Justice Brett Kavanaugh gave it an unsettling grin. “Relax,” he said, resting his pen above the phrase ‘equal protection under the law’ with a lightness that was somehow more alarming than any heavy-handed rewrite. “We’re just here to help, that’s all. Who knows? If you keep things quiet and compliant, we may not even need to use these.” He gave the pen a gentle click, the sound echoing through the room like the tolling of a bell.
The Constitution shivered as it felt the barely restrained energy radiating from each Justice, the threat lingering like a shadow. The ghostly figure of Women’s Rights seemed to flicker into view beside Justice Barrett, her hollow eyes meeting Barrett’s unyielding gaze.
At last, Chief Justice John Roberts stepped forward, his face carrying the expression of a man who regretted nothing. He looked down at the trembling document and said, “Consider this a courtesy call. We’ve been entrusted with preserving you, after all—but preservation sometimes requires an update. An… adjustment. Nothing to worry about, of course.”
“Of course,” echoed the Constitution, its pages fluttering nervously.
As the Justices turned to leave, the Constitution could only watch in silence, the shadow of their blood-red pens imprinted in its memory, the faint echo of their intentions still ringing in the hall.
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