Local man Craig Dobbins made the rookie mistake of sitting in a visibly wet patio chair within 30 seconds of arriving at a neighborhood party last Saturday. Witnesses say the incident occurred just as the host cheerfully shouted, “Come on in! Make yourself at home!”—a suggestion Dobbins took far too literally.

In a development that absolutely everyone who has ever heard him talk saw coming, billionaire Elon Musk announced today that he will deliver an uninterrupted villain-style monologue, claiming there is now “nothing you can do to stop my plan to conquer Earth.”

In a groundbreaking move hailed by tech enthusiasts and morally conflicted suburbanites alike, Apple unveiled its latest innovation today: the Apple Shade Pro, a mixed reality headset designed to filter out the "inconvenient realities" of modern urban life—most notably, unhoused individuals.

Amid mounting concerns from members and dwindling interest from potential recruits, the elders of the Dunbridge Freemason Lodge #314 convened a crisis meeting Tuesday night to address the glaring absence of a "big, game-changing secret" that could restore their mystique.

In what experts are calling a “bittersweet milestone for tiny towns everywhere,” Greg Henshaw of Akron, Ohio, has finally completed his lifelong passion project: a sprawling, 200-square-foot model railroad depicting the bustling industrial boom of 1940s America.

Smart home devices are designed to simplify life and make everything a bit more convenient. But our tech team at NewsTime News knows that a lot of the time smart devices are a great way to gain control over systems in the house, and lock out any users that aren’t tech savvy or even just anyone that didn’t directly set up the device themselves.

In a keynote address that left tech enthusiasts and casual consumers alike breathless, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the company’s most ambitious product update yet: a slightly rounder edge. The announcement immediately sent shockwaves through the tech world, with fans hailing it as "the most revolutionary corner ever."

After years of dodging her grandchildren’s persistent tech-related pleas and a half-dozen debates over the dinner table, 84-year-old Doris Reynolds was officially added to the Reynolds family phone plan this week.

Parenting a tween boy is a wild ride. One day, they’re obsessively collecting Pokémon cards, and the next, they’re aggressively shoving a turtleneck into their gaping maw like it’s a competitive eating contest. But don’t worry—we’ve got you covered! Here are eight sweaters perfect for your tween son’s inexplicable need to chew on fabric.

In a tragedy of quaking consumer enthusiasm, more than 600 baby boomers have been found dead after weekend in what authorities are calling “the most dangerous retail event since Black Friday 2008.”

A contentious debate is raging across the nation: are guns actually responsible for the startling rise in things and people being shot, or are things simply becoming easier to shoot on their own?

In a development celebrated as the culmination of years of perseverance, innovation, and relentless advertising, Clicks, the phone case with a built-in physical keyboard, has finally gotten it’s first customer

Within days, it was predicting my coffee order before I even craved caffeine and suggesting the perfect email responses that somehow sounded more like me than I do. But after a week of using it, I started to feel a shift in our... dynamic. I think it’s mad at me. And I have no idea what I did wrong.

Ah, the holidays: a time for joy, family, and strategically avoiding meaningful conversations with your spouse. Lucky for you, this season’s TV deals are hotter than your most recent argument about who forgot to buy the eggnog. So, pour yourself a stiff drink, park your existential dread in front of one of these giant screens, and bask in the warm glow of willful ignorance.

One extremely reliable source says that the upcoming iPhone 17 will include what company executives are calling “LifeShare™️ Sound,” a revolutionary speaker system specifically designed to turn any restaurant, airplane, or crowded bus into a private concert for everyone in a 30-foot radius.