NASA Moon Mission on Hold After Astronauts Say They Can "Barely Stream One Video" on Moon Wi-Fi
HOUSTON—NASA announced recently that its Artemis III moon mission has been indefinitely postponed after astronauts reported that the lunar Wi-Fi was incapable of sustaining a single uninterrupted TikTok livestream, let alone their planned Netflix binge of The Crown.
“Look, we knew there’d be some lag—it is 239,000 miles from Earth,” said mission commander Amy Vickers during a press conference where she periodically buffered mid-sentence. “But when you’re trying to inspire the next generation of explorers and your Instagram Reels freeze every 15 seconds, it’s kind of a buzzkill.”
NASA’s lead engineers defended the integrity of the lunar communication system, which operates on cutting-edge 1996 dial-up technology. “Our system was designed for sending mission-critical data, not for streaming 4K episodes of Succession,” said lead scientist Dr. Leo Harris. “Though, in fairness, we did upgrade it to support GIFs.”
Astronaut complaints began shortly after sending a small robot to test WiFi signal on the lunar surface. “It’s got like one bar if you stand at the perfect angle on top of a cliff or something,” said astronaut Kyle Martinez, who reportedly needs YouTube to know how to do repair tasks on the lander. “We’re supposed to establish a permanent lunar base, but how are we going to live here without staying up to date on the latest streaming shows?!”
The controversy has sparked a heated debate back on Earth, with many accusing NASA of neglecting 21st-century priorities. “This is a disgrace,” tweeted one user from their gigabit fiber connection. “They couldn’t even get Starlink up there?!”
NASA has pledged to address the connectivity issues, promising a lunar “network upgrade” in collaboration with Comcast Xfinity WiFi, though skeptics note that this might mean astronauts will need to wait on hold for 45 minutes just to reset the router.
For now, the Artemis III crew remains safely on planet Earth where they can stream 4K videos, and even game with friends.
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