New News Source, Great
PHILADELPHIA — As if the world didn’t already have enough news sources, the media landscape welcomed yet another entry this week with the debut of NewsTime News, a new, unbiased, totally necessary addition to the news ecosystem that definitely won’t just regurgitate what every other outlet is already covering.
“Finally, we have a news source that will deliver the same headlines, same pundits, and same tone as all the others but with a different logo,” NewsTime News CEO and Co-Founder Greg Keene said in a statement, hoping that the public will appreciate having yet another outlet attempting to brand itself as the definitive voice of reason in an industry where roughly 98% of new startups fail. “We’re really excited to bring the news back to the people, with features like ‘News Alerts’ that interrupt your day to inform you that something happened somewhere, ‘Breaking News’ that makes you wonder why you’re still subscribed to four other apps, and ‘The Sunday Roundup,’ because why read one outlet’s recap of the week when you could read ours?”
While NewsTime News claims its coverage will “rise above the noise,” early reviews of its first 24 hours reveal that its inaugural articles, including “Here’s Why We’re Different From Every Other Outlet” and “What to Expect From NewsTime News,” were pretty much indistinguishable from every other digital publication’s attempt to fill the same niche. The media outlet’s tagline, “It Is Time For News,” was greeted with enthusiasm by readers who can’t tell if it’s satire or sincerity.
“The beauty of NewsTime News is how it rehashes already-available stories in a slightly different way,” said one early reader, Jessica Lowe, who had already subscribed to NewsTime News’s daily email digest, NewsTime News’ News of the Day Today, in addition to five other daily digests from similarly non-essential publications. “And their push notifications are amazing! I was worried I might not hear about that plane that landed safely, or the latest think-piece on the internet’s new ‘it’ animal. But don’t worry—they’ll cover it.”
Keene insists that NewsTime News will soon roll out features “unlike anything we’ve seen before,” like opinion columns by “everyday people” (former writers for Politico and Slate) and “live fact-checking” that uses the revolutionary technology of refreshing their Twitter feed.
Noting that NewsTime News is a “by the people, for the people” news outlet committed to amplifying the voices of “real Americans,” the team is already hard at work sourcing expert analyses from contributors like Greg’s cousin, that guy from his high school class who shares his political opinions online, and a panel of anonymous Twitter users.
At press time, NewsTime News released its first exclusive investigative piece, “Is the Media Becoming Oversaturated?”
Welcome to NewsTime News, It Is Time For News
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