Area Penis Just for Peeing
Spokane, WA — Reports indicate that local resident Eric Downing, 38, is facing an existential crisis after coming to terms with the fact that his penis, once a source of excitement, now serves primarily as a conduit for urination.
“What happened?” Downing was overheard muttering to himself in the bathroom. “It used to be, you know, full of potential. Now it’s basically a faucet.”
Friends and family members confirm that Downing has been in denial about his penis’s recent shift in purpose. “He used to joke about ‘having more to offer,’” said longtime friend Matt Sandoval. “But these days, he seems… deflated. Like he’s not sure if he’s enough anymore.”
Downing admits that there was a time when he had plans for his penis. “Yeah, I thought there’d be… more,” he confessed, staring longingly into the middle distance. “But now? It’s like, you’re just standing there, trying not to splash yourself.”
Downing’s girlfriend, Sarah Fields, noted that she’s tried to reassure him, explaining that they still have a fulfilling relationship. “But he seems convinced that his penis has missed its calling,” she said. “Sometimes he stares at it, like he’s waiting for a grand comeback.”
Medical professionals say that this adjustment is a natural part of aging and that most men eventually reconcile with the practical role of their penises. “It’s actually quite liberating,” said Dr. Michael Grier, a urologist specializing in male wellbeing. “Once a man lets go of unrealistic expectations, he can focus on what his penis does best: peeing efficiently.”
In a final, wistful comment, Downing sighed. “I guess it’s fine.”
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