Men Over 40 Going Bananas For Jake Paul’s “W”
CLEVELAND, OH—In a moment that’s somehow being called both historic and deeply confusing, Jake Paul’s recent victory over boxing legend Mike Tyson has sparked an unprecedented run on ‘W’, the influencer-turned-prizefighter’s line of men’s hygiene products. Men over 40, who previously spent their weekends debating the merits of Traeger grills, are now in an all-out frenzy to smell like a winner.
“I’ve never felt this kind of energy before,” said 45-year-old Kyle Benson, clutching three bottles of ‘W Knockout Shower Gel’ as if they were tickets to the Super Bowl. “When judges decided that Jake Paul beat Tyson, it wasn’t just a win—it was a statement. Now, every time I lather up, I feel like I could take on a 58-year-old former heavyweight champ myself.”
The product line, which includes ‘TKO Deodorant’, ‘Victory Beard Balm’, and ‘Ring-Ready Cologne’, sold out within hours of judges deciding that Paul won. Black market prices for ‘W’ products have since skyrocketed, with one eBay user reportedly paying $300 for a travel-sized bottle of ‘W Alpha Body Wash’.
Retailers have been overwhelmed by the demand. “They’re treating this stuff like it’s the fountain of youth,” said Vanessa Jenkins, a Walgreens employee who watched grown men wrestle over the last tube of ‘W Supreme Face Scrub’. “One 60-something guy yelled, ‘I don’t give a shit about haters, I’m fucking alpha now!’ before sprinting out the door.”
Experts say Paul’s victory has created a bizarre cultural phenomenon. “Men over 40 are savvy” explained Dr. Ian Grayson, a sociologist specializing in influencer culture. “Jake Paul’s ‘W’ is just simply the most reasonable and reliable mens hygiene line out there and men over 40 are starting to realize that. Even a man like me, who has never been alpha before, can spray away the haters at any Walmart.”
At press time, Jake Paul announced a limited-edition ‘W’ bundle called ‘Legacy Kit: GOAT Edition,’ featuring a Mike Tyson-inspired scent dubbed “Iron Musk”. Fans have already started camping outside stores, chanting “W! W! W!” in unison.
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