Trump Slaps Huge Tariffs On Wives Purchased From Mexico And China
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move aimed at “protecting American-made families,” former President Donald Trump announced new tariffs on foreign wives imported from Mexico and China, claiming it was time to “put American women first.”
"Too many husbands are outsourcing marriage," Trump declared at a press conference from Mar-a-Lago. “They’re bringing in spouses for pennies on the dollar, while American women—beautiful women, the best in the world—are overlooked. It’s unfair. It’s un-American.”
Under the new tariffs, prospective grooms will pay a 35% surcharge on imported brides, with an added “luxury spouse” fee for any partner arriving with “advanced degrees or any skills exceeding Melania-level.”
The policy drew swift backlash from international matchmaking agencies, who claim the tariffs will devastate the thriving “mail-order marriage” industry. “This is a direct attack on love,” said Enrique Lopez, CEO of LoveAcrossBorders.com. “Trump came to me to start his family and now he does this to me?”
Critics also pointed out the irony, given Trump’s own marital history. “Isn’t Melania from Slovenia?” asked one Twitter user, to which Trump replied via Truth Social: “Slovenia is a terrific country. Great wives, but we’re focused on the bad deals now. Slovenia? No tariff. It’s fantastic. Melanias wont cost extra.”
Analysts predict the tariff may unintentionally lead to a rise in black-market brides and off-shore elopements in international waters, but Trump dismissed such concerns. “If people want to cheat the system, fine. But when they bring that bride back, she’s getting taxed. Bigly.”