HOBART, IN — In what has become a yearly tradition, local man Greg Simmons is once again treating the annual Thanksgiving Turkey Trot like it’s the Olympic Trials, much to the dismay of his family and casual joggers everywhere.

“He’s been carb-loading since Monday and talking about shaving 30 seconds off his 5K time,” said his wife, Lisa Simmons, who just wanted to wear her turkey hat and enjoy the fun run. “Greg even tried to convince our kids to skip pumpkin pie last night because it ‘messes with glycogen storage.’ They’re six.”

Witnesses report Greg showed up to the starting line wearing compression gear, $300 racing shoes, and a pouch full of energy goo tubes. He was seen performing an aggressive warm-up routine that included plyometric jumps and muttering, “This is my year,” under his breath.

“Dude, it’s a fun run. Chill out,” said fellow participant Tanya Gomez, who was wearing a tutu and carrying a foam turkey drumstick. “This guy’s over here trying to break the sound barrier.”

At press time, Greg was spotted doing a victory lap around the parking lot while volunteers handed out free bananas and finisher medals shaped like turkeys. Sources confirm he refused to eat any post-race pie, citing his “macros.”

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