Bryn Mawr — Alien visitors from space, piloting very visible UFO’s, have reportedly decided that even they have had enough of New Jersey. Their celestial sights are now set on the Main Line suburbs, citing "better energy vibes" and "a more refined abduction demographic."

"We’ve been observing Earth for centuries, and honestly, Jersey’s whole scene is just not it," said Glorflax Zzorp, an alien spokesperson broadcasting through a hastily assembled media conference in the Pine Barrens. "The fumes, the attitude, the inexplicable obsession with pork roll… it’s overwhelming."

The extraterrestrials' exodus was confirmed after a fleet of saucers was spotted hovering near the George Washington Bridge, their navigation lights blinking a polite but firm goodbye to the Garden State. New Jersey officials have reportedly offered the aliens free toll passes and a lifetime supply of Wawa hoagies to stay, but their offers were met with static-filled laughter and a tractor beam casually lifting a 7-Eleven slushie machine.

Reports suggest that the aliens have been quietly Zillow-shopping on the Main Line, favoring properties with sprawling lawns and proximity to farmer’s markets. "We’re looking for a neighborhood that’s quiet but still offers access to quality probe materials," said another alien, G’naath Boor’z, who noted a particular fondness for Radnor Township.

The move has left many New Jerseyans feeling betrayed. "They abducted my Uncle Sal three times last summer, and this is how they repay us?" lamented Diane Fratelli, a resident of Cherry Hill. "You’d think the least they could do is appreciate our diners."

However, the aliens argue that the Main Line offers amenities that Jersey simply can’t compete with, including top-rated schools for their young larval offspring, tree-lined streets perfect for cloaking their crafts, and “better cosmic feng shui.”

“And let’s not forget the artisanal kombucha,” added Zzorp. “Jersey’s just not fermenting at that level.”

The shift has sparked concern among Main Line residents, who worry that an influx of extraterrestrials could drive up property values even further and lead to increased traffic along Lancaster Avenue. Local HOA boards have already begun drafting bylaws to address potential issues such as interdimensional noise complaints and unauthorized crop circles.

As for the aliens, they’re taking their time adjusting to their future suburban lifestyle. "We just want to live our best cosmic lives," said G’naath Boor’z. "And honestly, who doesn’t love a good Main Line brunch?"

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