Trump Nominates Hailey "Hawk Tuah" Welch as U.S. Poet Laureate
Washington, D.C. — President-Elect Donald Trump announced today that Hailey "Hawk Tuah" Welch, a social media personality and host of the wildly popular podcast Talk Tuah, will be the next U.S. Poet Laureate. Welch, who has no known background in poetry but gained notoriety over the summer for a TikTok where she said her favorite move was to spit on a penis enthusiastically, will assume the role when Ada Limón’s term ends in April 2025.
Trump explained his unconventional choice. "Poetry is about connecting with the people, folks, and nobody connects like Hawk Tuah. Millions tune in to her Talk Tuah podcast. Millions! She tells it like it is. She’s edgy, she’s modern, and let’s be honest—she’s got the kind of star power this country hasn’t seen in a Poet Laureate. Ada Limón? Nice lady, but frankly, a little too sad. We’re done with sad poems.”
Welch, who shot to fame after a TikTok where someone asked her what sex moves she liked to do and she said it was spitting on a penis amassed over 60 million views, is best known for her no-holds-barred approach to commentary. Her podcast, Talk Tuah, blends wellness advice, cryptic stories, and impromptu raps into what Welch describes as "a mix of raw truth and vibes."
When asked about her qualifications for the prestigious position, Welch was characteristically blunt. "Poetry isn’t about, like, Shakespearean sonnets or whatever. It’s about expressing yourself, and I’ve been expressing myself for years. Plus, Trump said I’d be great at it. He said I’m like Hannah Montana but grown up bad."
The announcement has left literary circles reeling. "This is unprecedented," said Dr. Geraldine McCloy, a professor of English at Yale. "We’ve gone from Ada Limón, a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet who explored themes of nature and human connection, to a person who gained fame by pantomiming spit."
Welch, however, remains unfazed by the criticism and is already preparing for her debut as Trump’s inauguration poet. According to Welch, the piece she’s crafting—titled America: Hawk Yes!—will “embody the spirit of freedom and fire that makes this country so iconic.” She shared a brief excerpt during a livestream:
"America’s the goat, and I’m your Hawk,
We’re taking back the world, unlock the clock.
From the TikTok teens to the podcast scene,
We’re MAGA-made, we’re living the dream."
Critics aside, Welch has promised to “shake up the poetry game” during her tenure, hinting at plans to launch a nationwide series of “Poetry Raves,” where audiences can hear her spoken-word pieces set to EDM remixes. “It’s time to make poetry fun again,” Welch said.
Whether Welch’s unique approach will resonate with the American public remains uncertain, but her supporters are already celebrating her appointment as “a win for the people.”
As for Ada Limón, the outgoing Poet Laureate offered a measured response: “Every Poet Laureate brings their own voice to the role. I’m sure Ms. Welch will… bring something.”
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