Local Party Goer Sits In Wet Chair First Thing
RALEIGH, NC — Local man Craig Dobbins made the rookie mistake of sitting in a visibly wet patio chair within 30 seconds of arriving at a neighborhood party last Saturday. Witnesses say the incident occurred just as the host cheerfully shouted, “Come on in! Make yourself at home!”—a suggestion Dobbins took far too literally.
“I knew something was off the moment I heard the little splash,” Dobbins recounted solemnly, peeling his damp cargo shorts from his legs. “Who leaves a wet chair in a party zone?”
The chair in question, a faded green plastic relic, had reportedly been rained on earlier that morning but was left unguarded due to what the host, Karen Singleton, described as “a classic oversight.”
As Dobbins struggled to make the best of his soggy situation, partygoers displayed an impressive range of reactions. One guest, visibly fighting back laughter, suggested that Dobbins might “lean into it” by jumping into the kiddie pool to even things out. Another discreetly offered a towel, which Dobbins reportedly declined, muttering, “No it’s fine I… it’s barely even wet.”
The tragedy escalated when a game of charades required all participants to stand up, forcing Dobbins to display what onlookers tactfully referred to as “a very specific dampness.” Despite his insistence that the wet patch was “just water,” many speculated otherwise, with one guest quietly murmuring, “He’ll never recover from this.”
Experts in the field of awkward party blunders agree that Dobbins’ experience may serve as a cautionary tale for future gatherings. Dr. Linda Portsman, author of Social Gaffes and the People Who Make Them, weighed in on the situation.
“Sitting in a wet chair is one of the most common mistakes made at outdoor events, second only to attempting a double-dip in communal guacamole,” Portsman explained. “Craig will need to work hard to regain his footing in this friend group. He might consider hosting his own dry-chair event as a power move.”
As for Dobbins, he has vowed to approach seating with a “firm and skeptical hand” moving forward. Meanwhile, the green chair has reportedly been relocated to a quiet corner of the yard, where it will remain as a monument to Dobbins’ damp defeat.
At press time, Dobbins was spotted Googling “how to dry shorts quickly at a party without looking weird,” while Karen Singleton was overheard saying, “Next time, I’ll just stack all the chairs. Lesson learned.”