Venom: The Last Dance
Well, here we are again with another installment in the Venom saga, “Venom: Last Dance.” And, sure, it’s got the stuff you’d expect—big punches, gooey symbiote snarling, and the kind of half-decent, mid-budget action that will hold your attention for a solid two hours if you really love that sort of thing. But for a movie with “Last Dance” in the title, the actual “dance” is a 30-second afterthought so bewilderingly sad it makes you wonder if the writers just slapped the title on there as a prank.
We begin with Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy, ever-committed to the grumble) reluctantly teaming up with Venom to fight some nondescript villain who’s gunning for world domination, or revenge, or whatever excuse Marvel/Sony dug up this time to justify a city-wide brawl. It’s decent enough. Venom goes through some guys like they’re tissue paper, and there are explosions galore, which is really all we’re here for anyway. It’s passable, mindless comic-book fare.
And yet, that cursed title lingers. “Last Dance.” The promise of a real, definitive Venom dance sequence looms tantalizingly on the horizon, teasing audiences with hopes of an emotional, possibly interpretive send-off where Venom cuts loose like an alien Fred Astaire. Instead, we’re treated to 110 minutes of classic Venom rampaging and uninteresting dialogue.
Then, finally—finally— Venom and Eddie end up in a swanky penthouse suite, wearing a tuxedo, accompanied by beloved bodega lady, Mrs. Chen (Peggy Lu). After this beautiful woman has to beg Eddie to dance, Venom finally comes out and starts, I don’t know, I guess moving rhythmically. It lasts 30 excruciating seconds, during which Venom twirls, gyrates, and shuffles with all the finesse of a malfunctioning Roomba.
This “dance”—a loose term here, mind you—is almost surreal in its ineptitude. Venom, with all his liquid alien dexterity, manages nothing but a few aimless arm twirls and what might be an accidental spin. Eddie is roasting venom the whole time, which the only time I agree with the protagonist in this whole nonsense money grab. There’s a painful sincerity to it all, like the filmmakers expect us to be excited that this sybiote with near limitless physical potential is fist pumping.
If the rest of the movie hadn’t been a fairly competent action outing, we’d almost write this off as a practical joke. But it’s as if someone tossed that bizarre 30-second clip in post-production just to fulfill some contractual obligation to the title. For all its loud, serviceable action, the film ultimately makes you wonder: did anyone involved actually know what “Last Dance” meant?
So yes, “Venom: Last Dance” delivers plenty of the symbiote chaos fans crave, even if it’s a bit formulaic. But the so-called “last dance” is less of a grand finale and more of an embarrassing misstep—a flailing, rhythmless sideshow that feels like a last-minute dare. At best, it’s a reminder that some things should be left on the cutting room floor.
Final Verdict: An adequate superhero slugfest, tragically missing the grand dance number it’s title promised us.