REVIEW: Gladiator 2 (2024)
Review By Liam Herschall — NewsTime News
Ridley Scott’s Gladiator 2 is an undeniably well-crafted sequel to his 2000 masterpiece. With stunning cinematography, brutal battle sequences, and a thoughtful narrative exploring legacy and revenge, the film delivers on its promise of grandeur. Paul Mescal, stepping into the lead role as Lucius, the grown nephew of Commodus, gives a gripping performance that balances vulnerability and unrelenting drive. His physical transformation into a lean, chiseled warrior is nothing short of jaw-dropping.
But for all its craftsmanship, I found myself bored. Not because the film lacks action or emotional weight—it has plenty of both. But because I see someone just as devastatingly hot as Paul Mescal every day in the mirror. Maybe hotter. When the camera lingered on Mescal’s rippling abs, I couldn’t help but think, “Yeah, okay, yawn. I see better than that every day in mirror?” It’s hard to get swept away by someone’s epic journey when their jawline is totally beta compared to your own.
Visually, the film is a feast. Scott brings the ancient world back to life with stunning attention to detail, from the grime of the Colosseum to the sunlit hills of Rome. The action sequences are brutal and kinetic, with Mescal’s Lucius proving a worthy heir to Maximus’s legacy. Yet every time he unsheathed his sword and squared off against another enemy, I couldn’t help but compare his athleticism to mine. Sure, his choreography is sharp, but that’s just basically dancing. Mescal may have trained for six months, but I’ve been perfecting myself at the gym for like a year and half at least.
The story, too, is compelling, digging into themes of vengeance and redemption. Lucius’s journey from privileged youth to hardened gladiator mirrors the emotional depth of the first film. And yet, as he gazed into the camera with those soulful eyes, I found myself thinking, “Those cheekbones? Really? That’s supposed to impress me? I have cheekbones so sharp they’re considered a public safety hazard.” It’s difficult to connect with a protagonist when every close-up feels like I’m looking at a slightly less symmetrical version of myself.
By the time the climactic battle arrived, with Lucius fighting for both his survival and his family’s honor, I was fully checked out. Not because it wasn’t thrilling, but because, frankly, I was distracted by feeling my musculature in the dark theater. By this point I had really safely arrived at the conclusion that not only were my muscles larger than Mescal’s but more defined and vascular too. This left me, as I’m sure it will leave many of you, wondering how I could continue giving a shit about any of this.
In conclusion, Gladiator 2 is a well-made film with strong performances and stunning visuals, but it ultimately fails to rise above the overwhelming challenge of being about a guy who’s not as attractive as me. For those without my level of daily mirror-induced humility, the movie may inspire awe. For me, it was simply a reminder that the true gladiator of hotness is staring back at me in every window and darkened phone screen.
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