8 Sweaters Your Tween Son Will Put In His Mouth
Parenting a tween boy is a wild ride. One day, they’re obsessively collecting Pokémon cards, and the next, they’re aggressively shoving a turtleneck into their gaping maw like it’s a competitive eating contest. But don’t worry—we’ve got you covered! Here are eight sweaters perfect for your tween son’s inexplicable need to chew on fabric.
Durable. Absorbent. Delicious. The cable-knit sweater is the OG of chewable knitwear. Its texture provides excellent mouthfeel, whether he’s gnawing on the sleeve or working on the hem. Bonus: These are built to withstand repeated laundering of that “tween boy slobber.”
Perfect for tweens with discerning palates, the wool-blend sweater offers a hearty chew. Sure, it may leave a few fibers stuck to his tongue, but what’s a little lint when he’s quiet for five blessed minutes?
Soft, cozy, and absolutely irresistible to tween boys who think “I wonder what this tastes like” is a logical thought. Pro tip: Go for dark colors to hide the drool stains.
Technically not a sweater, but who are we to judge? The oversized hoodie is like a buffet for his mouth—drawstrings, cuffs, and a kangaroo pocket, all ripe for chewing. A true multitasker.
That reindeer design is tacky, but your son doesn’t care. He’s too busy gnawing Rudolph’s antlers off the chest. It’s seasonal and digestible—win-win!
6. the Cardigan Grandma Knitted
He doesn’t even like Grandma, but this hand-knit cardigan is apparently the most delectable item in his closet. Maybe it’s the sentimental value, or maybe it’s the fact that Grandma used yarn made from alpaca wool. Either way, his mouth is all over it.
Ideal for active chewers, this sweater absorbs drool while keeping him dry during intense fabric-munching sessions. It’s basically the Gatorade of chewable knitwear.
Yea he probably will just chew the shirt anyway, but it’s worth a shot to see if you can embarrass him out of chewing on things by forcing him to sling this dumb thing around his neck. Hopefully the shame will help him understand what little goon he’s being.